I’ma warn you right now; MOTHER EFFING SPOILERS INBOUND. POSSIBLY.
On a game that’s about *quick google search* 5 years old. You have been warned.
So, first thing – WHAT THE FUCK WHERE FRICTIONAL GAMES SMOKING WHEN THEY DESIGNED THIS?!?
The game picked up from last time during a flashback-trip-thing, in a cabin room. I struggled hugely last time; not for the difficulty, just because I was effing wired. The puzzle itself was simple enough (mimic the photo on the wall inside the room), and after finishing shit bursts into flames. Ok, ok, calm down, it’s a flashback. This is normal. Creepy voices, blurred screen (which xSplit did NOT like), and… a dead pigdog? Makes…. all the sense…. But it’s ok! In this little room I couldn’t leave, some handy (read: creepy) wall-arms appear. (They’ll appear several more times (refusing to high-five me whatever I do, the bastards) but I try to ignore them. They’re weird) I threw out buddy pigdog onto the arm, and more shit burst into flames.
Solve the MOST RIDICULOUS puzzle involving colours and lights and rings and fire and shit, and shit bursts into flame.
I’m gunna rewrite this ^, because I was so angry at this puzzle before. It was shameful how poorly I performed, but I totally didn’t cheat. Totally. Sadly, I can’t really read into the puzzles too much for ‘hidden meaning’ (maybe that’ll become clear later on?), and it’s a strange thing to write a reaction game in text form (the videos still aren’t capable of upload; all of the editing D=), but anyway. It turns out, like with any puzzle-clue-game hint, the riddle you get given only makes sense at the end: “Everything is it twos or threes” is stupidly simple to convert into “cover the three rings that leave two lots of three rings visible”. Gaah.
Some room with some blood (and they killed poor Red! I don’t know why Red died, but I hope Pikachu is ok…), and a puzzle involving… up and down-y-ness. (I was at this point, very confused, and the puzzle was just a filler I think.) Flooding the room with blood moved me on, for some reason, and I was running away! Dramatic music! Run, me, run! (It’s worth mentioning at this point, my torch has run out. I was navigating by glowstick.) Dark room, creepy voices, and again my words don’t do it justice.
But all said, that’s fairly standard flashback fodder; when I came too things got much more strange. As I re-entered the normal world and tried to escape the sewers I was originally in (I forgot how to water puzzle guys, I mean… srsly? Everyone knows the boxes make a bridge, and then you walk across them) , I heard the growdiest (grow-dee) voice in my head (think “Hello Daaaave” oddness) telling me about its’ existential crisis, and how rude I was in not replying. DUDE I HAVE BIGGER PROBLEMS THAN YOUR STREPSIL ISSUES. YOU NEED TO GET THAT VOICE CHECKED OUT.
Happily, I has stumbled across my glowstick earlier, and managed to venture onward. Out of the sewers, I find a pc. On it, a video call is waiting. I didn’t even have time to load up skype guys. All I did was turn the thing on. I’m freaking out. How is this happening? It’s also ancient, with no webcam, and I’m over-analysing this waaaay too much. Is this the real life? Or is this just fantasy?
(Or possibly even a adrenaline fueled word-splurge. You’re reading my splurge. Enjoy.)
So, fearful of what I’m about to see, I click answer. There’s such a thing as manners, after all. IT’S COOL. It’s cool. It’s a human… voice. With a corrupted vid feed. (At the time I felt it a bad thing; now burdened with the mental images of deformations and moving shadows I’m not so sure.) Massive plot info dump, and I get given a slew of objectives. Yay, I’m less shit to watch! Not two seconds after I leave the dank comfort of this hidy-hole (with a very student-like bathroom), my vision wavers and THE VIRUS IN MY HEAD IS TALKING TO ME. In case I didn’t stress that enough, MY SENTIENT DISEASE IS MORE VOCAL THAN I AM AT THIS POINT. (He named himself Clarence. I think it’s a nice name. Aethalstad was already taken by my glowstick, you see.)
After he rootles around my head in computer-like speeds (he detects that I’ve only ever not finished one film I was watching, in a matter of seconds), and some more freaking-out-the-caster I regain control of my body. I’m in some lab-corridor, with many a locked door and confusing map layout.
I’m quite scared by this point, as only to be expected, driven on by the gamer instincts that will prove to be my downfall shortly.
- Find plot points. Do this by clicking on all available things
- Find items. Do this by above method
- Find places to go. I’m ashamed to say, my D of E training let me down. I suck at navigating this place.
- Find safety.
Oh look, I’m nearly at the library! After so long of being lost, I’m getting there! Oh no, a locked door! Oh look, an Armoury! That’ll help!
WHY THE FUCK DID I GO INTO THE ARMOURY.
Out pops the scary as what-in-the-fuck Mr Crowbar (originally mistaken for claws), bumbling around speaking. Everything in this game is as intelligent as I am, and much more dangerous. With creepy voices and shit. I dunno about you, but the weird voices were much less pleasant than the “Ggrrraaaaawwwwwlllllrrrrttttthhhh” of Amnesia. You could undoubtedly get all psychological on that shit, but screw that. It’s creepy as fuck and that’s what we’re focusing on.
And cue running around, scared, confused, mildly aroused (Mr Crowbar is nekked, and I’m an easy man to please by anyone’s measure), until I hide in a corner, and end the adventure for tonight.
**tl;dr – Aethalstad, flashbacks, hands that won’t high-five me, and the one normal voice so far didn’t have a face attached to it.**
!! — This is where I normally put in the youtube links for the 3 videos from tonight. Sadly, the audio in one video crashed out and the brightness in all 3 is borked beyond belief. This will take some editing, or something. I’m not sure what I’ll do if I can’t fix it.
This will also get a I’ve-had-time-to-calm-down look over and edit tomorrow morning (GMT), so check back again soon.
Got a suggestion for the next game? Let me knoooow! :3 — !!